At the beginning of our Road Trip with the Girlfriends, I told you we’d stop at the birthplace of all our problems. After three dreamy weeks touring through Paradise with Adam and Eve, the honeymoon is OVER.
Imagine we’ve pulled to the side of the road at one of those historical markers. It reads:
Yes, life – and marriage – as it was meant to be came to a tragic halt in Genesis 3. In Chapter Four of The Cry of the Hidden Heart, “The Attempted Coup,” we discover that our marriage problems are “Fall” problems.
Perhaps you’ve heard “Eve” sing the Hidden Heart version of “I Did It My Way,” on our DVD. (If you haven’t, give a listen at the end of this post.) Today, meet the real woman underneath the fur coat, Elise Capasso, one of my favorite girlfriends. She now lives with her pilot husband and four beautiful children outside of Rome, Italy.
Here’s Elise to share her Fall story that brings Genesis 3 to life – complete with blood, sweat, tears, and being forced from her homeland:
“It was the Fall that led me to Mary Suzanne’s doorstep. Actually, it was Hurricane Katrina. I’d just moved to St. Louis because the hurricane destroyed our home in New Orleans. Did I mention we’d just finished renovating the first floor of our duplex … that was completely flooded?
Here’s the “back story” – you’ll get the painful joke in a bit … My husband wanted to renovate the top floor, which was in better shape, but being a tired mom of a baby and a toddler, married to a pilot who’s gone half the month, I insisted on the first floor. Schlepping upstairs two babies, two car seats, and groceries forty times a day by myself – no thank you! (Can’t you just hear the drip-drip-dripping of the contentious wife?)
Did I mention we’d been living at my parent’s house? It was only supposed to be for four months to help us with the new baby. That turned into two years with two babies. It was time to move out! Under all that pressure, my dear man came home on his few days off and threw himself into remodelling … until he threw his back out and needed major surgery. And four months of bed rest. Now, on top of being a tired mom, I’m nurse to my sick husband and the overseer of our remodelling project that put us $40,000 in debt.
We’d only lived in our new house for two months when Katrina hit and our unit was completely flooded with more than six feet of water – the upstairs unit was nearly fresh as a rose. If I’d listened to my husband, we wouldn’t have lost everything that we owned in our home!
Goodbye, Eden – I mean, New Orleans. Hello St. Louis.
A new St. Louis friend, Lisa Gabriele, told me about a Hidden Heart Bible study. She couldn’t go that night, but I went anyway. And am I ever glad I did! Not only did I meet women who became like sisters to me, I also learned what God was wanting for my marriage and me. (And sorry, Mary Suzanne, but NO blog can replicate the bond of doing this with a bunch of gals – so ladies, get yourself to a Hidden Heart class!)
I had met my tall, dark, handsome Italian in the supermarket produce aisle. I’d put my singing and acting career on hold to become his wife and over time, the mother of our four precious bambinos. Even though I’d left the stage, drama seemed to follow me in our home life.
My husband and I both loved the Lord Jesus, and we were crazy about each other but as you heard with our duplex disaster, we could make a power struggle out of anything. ANYTHING! It could be over which toilet to install in the basement bathroom or what country to call home.
Then, I read this week’s chapter, “The Attempted Coup.” It explained how our tug of war began when God said to Eve in Genesis 3:16b: “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” In Hebrew, “desire” means “a stretching out after; a longing after” from the root word to overpower or overflow. (Strong’s Concordance)
I was overflowing, that was for sure!
I was on the wife end of the rope “desiring” to yank my husband my way, and he was pulling just as hard on the husband end. All that yanking and pulling left me a frayed mess.
So, what did God want from me and my marriage? He wants me to be like woman was created to be from the beginning – pulling with my husband together as we rule over our little corner of His Kingdom. Ephesians 5:21 puts it best: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” When we put down our ends of the “My Way” rope, we pull together in honor of “God’s Way.”
I didn’t change over night, but God opened my eyes (and is opening them still!) to where I tend to pull against my man instead of with him. As I submit my controlling and fear-driven ways, God has led me (through my husband) to adventures beyond my wildest dreams.
It comes down to one thing: Do I trust that God’s way is better than my way? It’s a daily struggle we all need to have. It’s only through the power of Jesus and His Word that I’m ever able to drop my end of the rope.
And when I pull with my husband, I begin to experience what Eden must have been like … and it’s bellissima!
“I Did It My Way” video